Limericks

Oct 27, 2018
Originally published on December 3, 2018 12:44 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, with a special all-star edition. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. And we'll be playing right now with Tara Clancy, Luke Burbank and Brian Babylon.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KIMBERLY PENDO: Hi. This is Kimberly from Chicago.

SAGAL: Chicago?

(CHEERING)

BRIAN BABYLON: Hey.

SAGAL: We're in Chicago.

BABYLON: Chicago.

SAGAL: Do you want to come on down? We'll wait.

(LAUGHTER)

PENDO: I'm actually only a few blocks away. I'm right across from the Merchandise Mart in my office.

SAGAL: You're - oh, yeah. And what do you do here?

PENDO: I work with trade associations and nonprofit organizations.

SAGAL: Oh, that's good. Great. Well, it's very good to have you, Kimberly. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

PENDO: I am ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Since I can't get my gut to get flatter, I am feeding my bridesmaids raw batter. Oh, make no mistake, that's no diet shake. I need all those girls to look...

PENDO: ...Fatter.

BILL KURTIS AND PETER SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An essay in the Australian publication Whimn details a bride's sinister - but we are told - very real plot to look amazing and be the center of attention on her big day. Her plan - make sure the bridesmaids look terrible. First, she selected neon yellow bridesmaid dresses that made them, quote, "washed out and slightly ill." But she also regularly fed them breakfast shakes that she would spike with a protein powder for people who want to bulk up.

BABYLON: She's Cosbying (ph) shakes?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, I know. It's bad. We read this story. And presumably, it was presented as true. I did this, and, you know, they've forgiven me. They lost the weight, she said. But we could not believe that even the worst bridezilla would actually sabotage her own bridesmaids. Tara, you had a wedding, at one point. Did you have bridesmaids at this wedding?

TARA CLANCY, BYLINE: I did not have any bridesmaids at the wedding. But if I did, I just would've made them wear suits, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

CLANCY: I would've wanted them to look like me, you know, butch out for a day.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: Which is a lot more empowering than being like, here, I'm going to, like, you know, fatten you up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Sometimes, when my feelings are hurt, my man's laundry I'll briefly divert for I feel relieved when I'm sniffing his sleeves. I start smelling his old dirty...

PENDO: Shirt?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Researchers at Stockholm University released a new study showing that women de-stress by smelling their partner's dirty shirts.

BABYLON: Peter.

SAGAL: It was the result of an experiment in which 34 women were repeatedly given electric shocks to stress them out and then given stuff to smell - science.

(LAUGHTER)

CLANCY: I love it. You got to love straight women. They're like, I need to be de-stressed. I don't want the man himself.

SAGAL: No.

CLANCY: Just the shirt.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: You humans with snorkels and the small fins, quit bugging us. Go take up golfin' (ph). When you're lurking above, we don't want to make love. You have ruined the sex lives of...

PENDO: Dolphins.

KURTIS: Dolphins...

SAGAL: Dolphins.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: ...It is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a new study, dolphins that spend time around humans have less interest in mating. The researchers examined spinner dolphins that swim in Hawaii near tourists and noted their declining sex lives. So not only are we ruining the ocean with our garbage, we're also blowhole blocking the dolphins.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Now, the question is, is it because she was like - she has seen a human in a Speedo, and she's like, that is what I now want to have? Or is it because she saw a German tourist in a Speedo, and she's like, I can never have sex with anything...

SAGAL: Yeah. Pretty much

BURBANK: ...Again for the rest of my life?

SAGAL: We're just not good for dolphins in the mood.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kimberly do on our quiz?

KURTIS: What a champion. She nailed it. Got them all right.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Kimberly. You've won our game.

(APPLAUSE)

PENDO: All right.

SAGAL: Your prize - the voice of anyone you like.

PENDO: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.