Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jul 28, 2018
Originally published on July 30, 2018 1:30 pm

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

FAITH SALIE, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as she or he can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, could you give us the scores, please?

BILL KURTIS: Rashawn has one. Tom has three. Adam has four.

SALIE: Wow. All right. Well, Rashawn, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start ticking when you turn 35. Oh, wait. That's what happened to me.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I mean, it will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, President Trump promised to work with the European Commission to eliminate blanks.

RASHAWN SCOTT: Tariffs.

SALIE: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Following an all-caps threat from Trump, a senior military official in blank said the country was ready to confront the U.S.

SCOTT: Iran.

SALIE: Right.

(CHEERING)

SALIE: This week, blank announced she was closing her fashion company to focus on her work in Washington.

(LAUGHTER)

SCOTT: Ivanka Trump.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Wednesday, someone unmoored Education Secretary Blank's $40 million yacht from its dock in Ohio.

SCOTT: Betsy DeVos.

SALIE: Right.

(CHEERING)

SALIE: This week, a man in Macedonia tied his hands and feet in a sack to break the world record for blank.

SCOTT: Dumbassery (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Close. Swimming with his hands and feet tied in a sack. On Sunday, the board of directors for pizza chain blank passed a resolution to keep their former CEO from regaining a controlling interest in the company.

SCOTT: Papa John's.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Tuesday, the first baby born from blank celebrated her fortieth birthday.

SCOTT: In vitro.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: A California man pulled over for going 99...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SALIE: ...In a 65 told the officer he didn't realize he was speeding because blank.

SCOTT: Because he's blind.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: No. Because he thought the speedometer was a thermometer and it was 99 degrees outside.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The California Highway Patrol pulled the man over for going 99 in a 65. But he argued there was no way he was going that fast. When the officers asked why his speedometer showed a reading of 99 miles per hour, the man said he was pretty sure it was actually a thermometer and it was just a really hot day out.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The man quickly realized he wouldn't win the argument and tried to get out of the ticket by bribing the officer with a CVS receipt, which he said was pretty sure was actually a really long $100 bill.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Bill, how did Rashawn do?

KURTIS: She's competitive. She got six right, 12 more points, total of 13. You're in the lead, Rashawn.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: OK, Tom, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump announced plans to provide $12 billion in aid to American blanks.

TOM BODETT: Farmers.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: This week, 11 House Republicans introduced a resolution to impeach Deputy Attorney General Blank.

BODETT: Rosenstein.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Wednesday, the White House came under fire for barring a reporter from blank from an event in the Rose Garden.

BODETT: CNN.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Tuesday, a Bay Area teen was arrested after allegedly breaking into a home and blanking.

BODETT: I have no idea. Played video games until the owners came home. What else is a teenager going to do in a house?

SALIE: No. Waking up the couple who lived there to ask for their Wi-Fi password.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: This week, scientists observed a star passing by a black hole, helping to confirm blank's theory of relativity.

BODETT: Oh, Einstein.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: He's on a roll.

SALIE: Following...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Following outrage over a collection of decade-old tweets, Disney cut ties with James Gunn, the director of the blank franchise.

BODETT: "Guardians Of The Galaxy."

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: This week, authorities were able to bust swimmer Ryan Lochte...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SALIE: ...For using performance enhancers after he blanked.

BODETT: Like, must have peed in a cup.

SALIE: No. After he posted a picture on Instagram of him using performance enhancers.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Circumstantial evidence.

BODETT: Yeah. Right.

SALIE: Ryan Lochte, swimmer genius, who had previously been suspended for lying about an armed robbery in Brazil, was caught violating the laws of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency as part of an elaborate months-long sting called Operation, Hey, Let's Just Wait Until Ryan Does Something Dumb And Brags About It Online.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: The ban will last for 14 months. And Lochte he says he'll use the time to focus on his training so that when he makes his triumphant return, he'll be able to beat his own personal record and get banned for 20 months.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Bill, how did Tom do?

KURTIS: Got five right, 10 more points. But he is now tied at 13 with Rashawn.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: OK, Bill. How many does Adam need to win?

KURTIS: He needs only five to win, Adam - only.

SALIE: Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank, please.

FELBER: I can't tie.

SALIE: On Wednesday, the White House announced that Trump's meeting with blank had been pushed until after the midterms.

FELBER: Vladimir Putin.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: This week, emergency workers continue to fight deadly blanks spreading across Greece.

FELBER: Fires.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: On Wednesday, the Georgia lawmaker who appeared on blank's new show yelling racial slurs with his pants down announced plans to resign.

FELBER: Sacha Baron Cohen.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: A proposed nude beach in Belgium had its permit denied this week after officials said the nudists would blank.

FELBER: Scare the fish.

SALIE: Yes. Yes. Scare off...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Scare off all the wildlife. Following the release of their quarterly report, social media site blank's stocks dropped by 24 percent.

FELBER: (Imitating Italian accent) The Facebook.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: On Thursday, the owners of Justice (ph), the horse who won the blank, announced its retirement from racing.

FELBER: The Triple Crown.

SALIE: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: A New Hampshire man arrested for entering...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SALIE: ...A Planet Fitness and doing naked yoga told police he thought it was OK because blank.

FELBER: Because he brought his goat with him.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: No. Because he was doing it in a section marked judgment-free zone.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: The man's got a point.

SALIE: According to gym patrons, the man wandered around the Planet Fitness completely naked before deciding to use the yoga mats. When police arrived, they found him in the middle of a downward dog but managed to arrest him without incident. Despite arguing that he was in a judgment-free zone, the man is being charged with indecent exposure and for opening his third eye to everyone on the stationary bikes behind him.

(GROANING)

FELBER: Oh.

BODETT: Oh, no.

FELBER: Just when you thought we'd bottomed out.

BODETT: Right.

SALIE: Oh, Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He got 16. That means he is a winner.

SALIE: Congratulations, Adam Felber.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: Complete luck. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.