CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Kyrie O'Connor, and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, and filling in for Peter Sagal from Slate.com, it's Mike Pesca.
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MIKE PESCA, HOST:
Thanks, Carl. In just a minute, Carl practices Conscious Un-couplet-ing in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, as the economic recovery continues at a glacial pace, we're beginning to see signs of dangerous inflation. In fact, as soon as next month, we may see 100 percent inflation where?
ROY BLOUNT JR.: I'm sorry, what - in an area of a certain product?
PESCA: 100 percent - I'll give you a hint.
JR.: Good.
PESCA: Do not pass Go.
JR.: Monopoly game.
PESCA: Yes, that is correct.
JR.: Oh.
KYRIE O'CONNOR: Wow.
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PESCA: Inflation in Monopoly. If you pass Go, you may soon collect $400, which is good news because you're totally underwater on your house in Marvin Gardens...
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PESCA: ...and you just lost your job at the bank because you keep making bank errors in the customers' favor.
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PESCA: The $400 bonus, that's just one of the many changes in store. Hasbro is allowing the public to vote on new rules based on house rules, the rules people play with. So this is what my suggestion were to be if we were to change Monopoly. So you just play bizarre Monopoly. So all the streets would be named after the worst streets in Nevada and Florida and Arizona where all the houses are in foreclosure. And the electric company would be Enron and the railroad would be the Chicago Transit Authority headed for O'Hara.
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PESCA: And at the end, whoever has the worst portfolio of belly-up assets gets bailed out by the government and wins the game.
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O'CONNOR: Whoa.
PESCA: Too-Big-to-Fail-opoly.
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PESCA: Roy, I'm going to break for it a little bit. I'm going to ask you a couple of quick questions. Do you like horror movies?
JR.: Yes.
PESCA: Have you ever traveled around another country alone?
JR.: Yes.
PESCA: Would it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?
JR.: No.
PESCA: Now the big question that ties these altogether is those three questions are keys to finding what?
JR.: Inner peace.
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JR.: Oh, so you mean it's hiring people, it's...
PESCA: No. I'll give you a hint. It's a many splendored thing. It lifts you up where we belong.
JR.: Love.
PESCA: Yes, love, finding true love. According...
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PESCA: According to the founder of OKCupid, agreeing with your date on those three questions means that you have a bright romantic future because nothing says true love like a loner on a boat watching "Saw."
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PESCA: Christian Rudder, the founder of OKCupid, says other dating sites like Match and e-Harmony and Farmers Only...
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PESCA: ...waste time and money by asking hundreds of questions to their users. Just cut to the chase. Ask your date those three questions and subtly work them in during the getting-to-know-you chat like, so what do you do? Where'd you grow up? Do you like horror movies? Do you like traveling alone? Do you like sailboats? Any brothers or sisters?
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JR.: But if they both say they want to go away alone on a sailboat...
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TOM BODETT: Yeah.
JR.: Great.
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PESCA: Tom, citizens of Ukraine have been boycotting Russian goods since the invasion, but one new protest may actually get results. Ukrainian women are banding together and boycotting what?
BODETT: Boycotting Russian-speaking men?
PESCA: Uh-huh. Most specifically.
BODETT: Russian soldiers?
PESCA: It's like from Russia without love.
BODETT: Well, they're withholding sex.
PESCA: Yeah, sex.
BODETT: Well, that's what I meant.
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BODETT: Should I have to just spell it out for you, Mike?
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PESCA: Yeah. I just wanted to hear you say it.
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PESCA: The facts are until Russia's takeover of Crimea is over, Ukrainian women will not have sex with Russian men. The protest is officially called in Ukrainian Don't Give It To A Russian.
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PESCA: At this moment...
O'CONNOR: That's subtle.
BODETT: Yeah, that was a short meeting, that naming (unintelligible), yeah.
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PESCA: Right now at this moment I am just wondering how many Russian bars are filled with Russian men pretending they're Mexican.
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PESCA: Boris is very popular name in Guadalajara.
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PESCA: And I think the Ukrainian women also added to their boycott, oh yeah, and those guys wearing Google Glass.
JR.: Yeah.
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BODETT: Well, the non-Russian Ukrainian stock just went up though, right? Say, hey, I ain't Russian, you know.
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PESCA: I do support these Ukrainian ladies. In fact I want to be explicit in my support, Tom, Roy, I hope you're with me in saying, I will not have sex with Russian men.
JR.: Yeah.
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PESCA: OK, solidarity.
O'CONNOR: Oh, I like that I will.
PESCA: Yeah.
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(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.