Limericks

Aug 4, 2018
Originally published on August 4, 2018 11:01 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and an upcoming show in Milwaukee on August 30 and the only West Coast stop this year, at the Greek Theatre in Griffith Park in Los Angeles on September 27. And don't forget to come downtown in Chicago and help us celebrate our 20th anniversary next week with a free show, at the Pritzker Pavilion in Millennium Park on August 9. Wear a fun hat to that show, and you could win a prize.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

NICK PRELOSKY: Hi, this is Nick Prelosky in Portland, Ore.

SAGAL: Hi, how are things in Portland, one of my favorite places? But what do you do there?

PRELOSKY: Right now, I'm taking a sabbatical between careers. But I'm getting married in October...

SAGAL: Hey.

PRELOSKY: ...And my fiance was doing most of the work. And she started giving me the look - saying, you'd better start picking up the pace here. So I said, OK, well, I guess I better do that.

SAGAL: Well, Nick, welcome to our show. And good luck with your wedding. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner.

PRELOSKY: Sounds great.

SAGAL: I think so. You ready to play?

PRELOSKY: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here you go. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: At SFO, we can attest. The waistcoat machine's selling best. For folks leaving town, we have fleece or light down. Our vending machine sells a...

PRELOSKY: Vest.

SAGAL: Yes, a vest.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A vending machine...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...In San Francisco's airport is racking up $10,000 a month selling down vests. And they're not even covered in chocolate.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, these, you know, these sleeveless down vests are a must if you want to fit in with the venture capital crowd up there. They love these practical lightweight coats. But for some reason, they hate arms.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Don't you hate it, though? When you're really excited for, like, your bag of Cheetos, and the machine gives you a vest instead.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or you buy a vest, and they get stuck in the little coil thing. So you have to buy another vest to jiggle it free.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And then you have two vests. And you still don't have a coat because they don't have arms.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: Picture hexagons with a long cape. Tack a triangle on with some tape. Science informs us this find is enormous. They claim they have found a new...

PRELOSKY: Is it shape?

SAGAL: It is shape, very good.

KURTIS: Shape, it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Move over circles and squares. There's a new shape in town. Spanish scientists have discovered the scutoid, a naturally occurring shape in our cell biology that looks like a kind of twisted prism. The scientists are thrilled by their discovery - with one systems biologist saying, quote, "one does not normally have the opportunity to name a new shape," which I guess is true. But couldn't you do better than scutoid?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sounds like a British slang for pervert.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM BURKE: I also feel sorry for all these kindergarteners who now have to repeat the whole year. You know what I mean?

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: I just - I thought it was done, and we got to do it all over again.

SAGAL: Not to mention little block sets that the kids are going to get.

BURKE: Yeah.

SAGAL: No, honey, that's not - that's the square. It doesn't go in the scutoid hole.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: That sounded so wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: The flavor we found has us way amazed. We're now in the league Galileo plays. It's not just for messing with lunch meat and dressing. Our ice cream tastes like Hellmann's...

PRELOSKY: Is it mayonnaise?

SAGAL: It is, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: How good you are.

SAGAL: Mayonnaise ice cream. If you think...

(JEERING)

SAGAL: Oh, I know. If you think rocky road or cookies and cream is a little too spicy for you...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...This is the ice cream for you. Mayonnaise-flavored ice cream - perfect for a waffle-club sandwich. If you're wondering what monster made this horrific-sounding desert, you can find it at ICE Falkirk in Scotland, the country known for stuffing sheep guts and oatmeal in a cow's stomach and eating it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it could be worse. The Internet is, of course, outraged by mayonnaise ice cream. One guy tweeted this should be illegal - possible violations of the Geneva Conventions.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you think about it, it was like Nicorette for ice cream - one bite and my craving stopped.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Is this for people - is this for people who just found vanilla too exciting?

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Nick do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Nick got a wedding present for his wife - a perfect score, 3-0.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

PRELOSKY: Hey, thanks so much.

SAGAL: Nick, thank you so much for playing and mazeltov in your wedding.

PRELOSKY: Absolutely, I appreciate it.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.